Planning for This Year’s Death Toll

Daylight savings time. An antiquated system that keeps kids from going to bed at night–it’s still light out–and gives every single Yankee farmer more time to plant potatoes. Apparently no one can plant potatoes earlier in the day. Daylight savings...

Buy Donuts: Kids Hate Flaxseed Muffins

As it happens, I was too lazy to make flaxseed muffins. Our advisory has breakfast on Fridays. We take turns bringing in “food,” a.k.a donuts. I make jokes that there’s no police academy nearby, eat healthy food. I promise vats of scotch-oats or...

Battle of the Bulge

It’s the post-vacation bulge. My backpack is bursting. It’s the last day of school vacation. The snowstorm pushed it off last Thursday, so it’s come twice. It’s the day the bell tolls, the alarm clocks get set, and teens everywhere shake off...