What happens when I find the yogi?
It’s time for some yoga. I’m stressed.
I’m new to yoga, but I’ve learned enough for a routine. I want to do better in my yoga practice.
My friend is puts daily “yoga tips” on her LinkedIn and Facebook Pages. I appreciate the gentle reminder, but for me she ought to say, “Are you going to do your yoga, or WHAT?” I have been trying, but I have a serious problem.
Yoga is impossible with kids and dogs.
That’s why all the good yogis climb mountains–to escape them. The other day, I gave it the old college try. I had some music. I unrolled the mat when everyone in the house was busy doing their own thing transfixed by screens or hobbies.
But yoga is powerful–it calls out like “the force.” Everyone knows the minute the yoga mat hits the floor, even if it is silent as a whisper. That’s the perfect time to interrupt.
If I were a yogi on a mountain, no one could interrupt–it’s hard, far, and cold. That’s the idea. But they always find me.
“Mom, are you doing yoga again?” Declan was in the doorway. A nanosecond before he was three rooms away hypnotized by the computer.
“Yes. Please go finish your show,” I said.
“Mom, yoga’s stupid. Let’s do karate. REAL karate, like Poe.” He followed this proclamation with two minutes of kung fu panda theatre, chopping at my knees. Finally, he left the room. I resumed.
“Po meditated.”
“Ohmmmmmmmm!” he said, loud as he could.
“Go away. I’m meditating.”
“Mom, can you take apart these gears?” I separated the gears from my tree pose.
“Mom, are you balancing?” I was focusing on my spot on the wall. “Mom!” He took just one little finger, touched it to my hip, and pushed. I tipped. “You’re not doing a good job.”
Remember my post about patience? Never wish for it, because life will let you practice it by sending annoying things. The same is true for focus and inner peace.
The dog, not to be left out of the fun, joined in. Soon, both boy and dog were lapping me in circles while I stood on one leg in the middle of the room no one ever goes in.
“Mom yoga is very stupid and it makes me want to yell,” Declan said.
“You are disturbing my inner peace.”
“Inner peace is dumb, too.”
“Well, you’re going to be the last one left on the road to enlightenment. Go watch your show.”
“You’re moving to Enlightenment?”
“No, it just comes.”
“When does it come?”
“In its own time. Go…watch…cartoons!”
I tried again today. Declan was installed in front of a screen rotting his brain cells. Poor parenting, good strategy. Poor parenting equals good yoga.
I signed off of a chat, “I’m going to do yoga.” Then, quietly, I unrolled my mat. Declan’s radar cannot be defeated by silence.
Woosh! “MOM! Are you doing YOGA?”
“Yes.”
“Mom, do you want to play zombie brain suckers?”
Start the routine again.
“Go away.”
“Mom, I farted!”
“Mom, I need a hug.”
“Mom, let’s play dinosaurs. Mom, Mom. MOM!”
I gave up. Note to self: change name tomorrow.
Savasana…time to rest.
The boy left. Savasana isn’t exciting. I relaxed. The yoga took over. Breathe… relax…
Then… thump, thump, thump, POUNCE…a boy leapt through the air aiming to land full-force on my abdomen. There is no contingency for this in yoga. I resorted to martial arts. A clean deflection. He crashed to the ground. I was safe. Annoyed, but uninjured.
Yoga isn’t supposed to annoy me. It’s supposed to bring me inner peace. I did not feel inner peace. I hope this extreme practice will develop an increasing tolerance for focus and patience in the end. Right now, I’m feeling unenlightened.
Otherwise, tomorrow, I’m going to start Googling mountains. I’m going to use my GPS to find the farthest one I can, then I’ll try again.
[Cartoon: AmazingSuperPowers.com ]
Haha – I totally get this, having tried to do tai chi / chi gung with 3 kids barrelling around the place. It’s impossible. Nice post
It’s like there is a magnet for interruption in the world–used to work the same while I was practicing Japanese sword 3 hours before my dojo would open–someone would come and step in front of me every time, “Sensei, do you have….” Dude, I’m swinging a sword.
That’s funny! My kids are the same…and they’re teenagers! Good luck with it. Yoga is great…except when it isn’t! 😉
So this doesn’t end… they don’t learn not to interrupt?
Sorry, no. I was on the phone the other day and my 17-year-old starts talking to me. I point to the phone and give him the eye and turn my back to him. Then he starts talking to me again…and he’s considered to be a very bright child!!! 😉
Yeah, you’re right, and how many countless times have I been in the middle of a conversation w another adult to have someone walk in and butt in like one of us was invisible.
Sounds like behind a closed door while some one else can give boy and dog attention would be a better time/place for yoga. Or get a kids’ yoga video and get the boy to do it with you.
Both have been tried. The yoga radar is just too strong. Just like the “I’m on the phone” radar.
Ah! We can all relate. Enjoy this time with your son – it is fleeting – that’s the practice of yoga!
You’re right:)
Recipe for success? Lock yourself in the bathroom. Otherwise, some would say that being a mom is your yoga practice right now. But I prefer the bathroom practice route. Namaste.
You’re right. I try to make random rules like “You can’t step on another person’s yoga mat.” His is the green one. It doesn’t work…
Haha! This was so funny…but also makes me terrified for when I have children. I love my yoga so much and try to do it as often as possible. Supposedly the joys of having children outweigh everything else. Right? Right? haha.
Well, it’s not like that “had one too many beer” joy, but worthwhile…
Keep sharing!!