I had to go to the bathroom. I also had to finish doing something for a student, reading assignments, and planning. It didn’t help I was on my one millionth cup of coffee. The situation was getting dire. I got out of my seat, grabbed my keys, and headed for the–
Fire drill. We’re due for one a month plus there are lockdown and evacuation drills that could happen at any time but are mostly guaranteed if I really have to the bathroom.
“PLEASE don’t be the evacuation drill…” It was my prayer to whichever god controls bathrooms and safety drills. If it was the long evacuation drill, I wouldn’t be the only thing evacuating.
Teachers are pretty good about “holding it” and the speed pee. Nothing aggravates me more than waiting in line for a bathroom having the person in front of me take five minutes. This is a problem caused by old people and non teachers in the real world, and students texting in the lav stalls.
Teachers can use the lav in thirty seconds or less. Believe it or not, it’s part of the certification process. Two proctors stand outside a fake classroom door after staging a three-hour faux faculty meeting at which all prospective teachers consume extra-large coffees. If candidates can’t leave their seats, pee, and be back standing in front of the “classroom” door five miles away in under a minute, it’s best they find another career path before they get in too deep. It’s education’s equivalent of the fireman’s dead man’s carry–a skill you definitely need for the job.
“Why don’t you go between classes?” you might ask. Well, if you’re an elementary teacher, there is no “between classes.” You get them all day, and you have to watch them because they scatter. If you’re a high school teacher, may be supervising the hallway between classes or you just want to smile at students and welcome them as they walk in. And “between classes” is when everyone has to try the “why’s my grade a negative ten” conversation.
I was reading some articles about Teacher Appreciation Week. First off, thank you. Second, there were some great suggestions for celebrating the week and giving teachers one or two things to show gratitude. Some were thoughtful, others had wonderful sentiments behind them, but might not have been designed by teachers. I really don’t want someone to cover my class so I can take my kid to the doctor or get my car washed. I also don’t need a special parking space or a salon person to come do my nails–trust me, it’s going to take a few more Cosmo makeovers to do anything about my fashion.
I wouldn’t mind a bathroom in my room or someone to cover my class for a moment so I can find one fully stocked with toilet paper and soap. The only thing most teachers want is to make that journey in peace. If you can’t move the lav so I can use it when the call of nature shouts, that’s okay, I have a second token of appreciation in mind. Find a way for me to actually eat my lunch rather than leaving it on my desk while I work. I’m starting to attract fruit flies and get pretty hungry by the end of the day.
Other than that, thank you for all the well wishes to those of you who celebrate, and to those of you who bash, I hope we don’t mess up your kids too much. Just tell me what to do to make sure he gets into Harvard and I’ll get the job done. You can thank me in a couple of years when the bill arrives.
Oh, yeah, and to the mom who came in and put candy in the faculty lounge–you rock!
I’m sure you’re serious about this issue, yet it made me chuckle-it’s your style of writing, Dawn. It sounds like Motherhood-multiplied! Thank you for sharing your stories. They keep this old single empty nester, uplifted! Peace.
Thanks, Chris:) I am serious about the bathroom. It’s the number one issue for all teachers. We’d probably work for free if we got our own bathrooms with 2-ply.
Love this and man can I relate. I usually “hold it” until the end of the day because I’m so busy I literally forget to go. Maybe people who aren’t teachers can’t imagine that, but man is it the truth. Then, something comes up and you’re like, I’ll go later til your later becomes the middle of 3 period stretch with no end in sight.
Thanks for the smile and laugh, Dawn. I’m sending you virtual bathroom pass… I’ll gladly cover your room… you can skype me!
Ha! I think it’s insane that I have to watch kids every second. It’s the culture of schools, not really necessary. My kids are trustworthy. I went to see a school once and kids were in the classroom at 4 doing a project. Teacher was gone–wasn’t her project… as they get older, we need to let go and treat them more like the adults they’ll soon be.
How true! In my 34 year career as an educator, I started having recurring Dr visits for uti due to not getting to the bathroom…found out teachers are the #1 group experiencing this horrible disease and when you have one….you reallllllly have to go immediately! No waiting for the next break or end of day.
Seriously, what is it about teachers not having time to pee? My schedule next semester consists of back-to-back morning classes until noon. I have 10 minutes between each class, but I also have to switch classrooms. If just one student stops me to ask a question, I’ll be late to class just to use the bathroom. It’s a sad, surprisingly common teacher problem.
I think with high school kids, I should be able to leave them for a minute or two while they do their work, but we’ve created a culture of constant supervision–these kids go to the mall, movies, and stuff without parents. We should work on creating climates where we can have more trust. Then we can pee.
I am a substitute and just finished student teaching. The bathroom is the only thing I’m worried about! At least with substituting, I call up to the office when I have to go bad and no one has put me on the do not call list. I’m starting to only take 3rd grade and under because they have a second recess after lunch so I can use the restroom.