It happens. Even to me. Before you know it, it’s too late, the deed is done, the event has passed. Best not to be embarrassed about such things, the way I figure it. Still, most people are. And when it happens, when the dreaded event occurs to you…in that split second between teaching life or death, the…
Don’t Yell at Me, I’m Learning!
The bell rang. I walked into my room. My students were playing video games. The horror! I stood there, an invisible force in the universe that doesn’t matter much to kids playing video games. “Um…hello?” “Oh, hi, Miss.” The game resumed. “Um, I was hoping to have class today.” Ignored. “As in…stop playing video games and work…
Rosetta Stone for Rhode Island Directions
I was sitting in the lobby of the hotel, waiting for my friend, Instagramming pictures of chandeliers. The hotel was from a time gone by, restored to its original 1922 grandeur. It was from the age where industrial barons brought wealth to Rhode Island. Manufacturing was booming in the place where Samuel Slater–America’s first industrial spy–stole cotton…
Fruit is Bad for School Lunches: The Saga of Banana Man
I walk through the door. I hear crying and a stern talking to. “It’s not Mommy’s fault. It’s yours. Sit there.” I have two seconds to turn around and pretend I haven’t come home, but the dog sniffs me out. Her bark and good-to-see-you wag alerts the world to my presence. Although in many key places in life…
Making Memories
I remember I used to get up early in the mornings and have tea with Dad before he went to work. Sometimes I got a dab of cologne while he shaved. I remember the holidays Mom put together, not having had many traditions in her childhood. The walnut cookies, the leprechaun visits, Valentine’s Day treats, and the…
The Lean Season: Don’t Eat Stickers on Tomatoes
Fiber. That’s all it is. I ate the sticker on the tomato. They’re insidious. Hidden on every piece of produce, down to the last pea. My fault for not eating in season. These tomatoes were grown far, far away. I try to eat locally. Tomatoes are grown in winter greenhouses here. That’s worse for the environment though….
Nice Girls Get Carjacked
I left the chapel. It was the kind of bird-singing, blue-sky day even God sticks around a little while longer. Fr. Al talked about love, compassion, helping thy neighbor. The usual stuff that in the hands of a skilled orator made me want to save the world. But not before breakfast. Our group ate first, then resumed…
The World’s Best Entrepreneur Extorts His Mom
He sneaks up on me, pizza hanging from his mouth. “Mom, I need money. I’m going to start a lemonade stand.” It’s March. Not lemonade weather. “Why? “You know why.” He taps his foot. “My junior bow. I love lemonade. It’s delicious. I’ll make lots of money.” He’s been saving for his junior bow for months. I…
Miss Piggy: The Picture of Domestic Violence
Kermit the Frog is 60 years old. He’s had a long and sordid career, escaping the educational mission of Sesame Street for the PG variety show spinoff The Muppet Show. I’m watching with my son. We got the complete Muppet Show collection a few years ago. I turned it off almost immediately. Declan loved the scenes of…
How the Americans Stole St. Patrick’s Day, The Holiday that Never Should’ve Been
“Plant your peas on St. Patrick’s Day!” It’s what the grandmas said. The leprechaun stands near the garden fence. “There’s snow on the ground,” I tell him. “A wee pint or two’ll cure it. You won’t feel a thing.” “Don’t you have a parade to ruin or drunks to torment?” I ask. I’ve done nothing for St….