“If I had your time…” That’s what I hear from people who don’t want to get things done. “If I had YOUR time…” Always that dark tone, sitting halfway between dismissal and envy…as if it’s somehow my fault time’s cheated them… that I’m some space-time villain who steals their time for my own productivity. I used to…
Santa’s After Christmas Secrets Will Improve Your New Year
After seven to ten billion cookies and countless miles logged around the world, Santa needs a rest. When the sleigh’s empty, he doesn’t return to the North Pole. He does two things to prepare for next year. He goes straight to the gym, then relaxes for a few weeks at the beach, deep undercover. No one suspects Santa’s in the sun,…
Simplicity is the secret to holiday sanity (Why cookies make you crazy)
Christmas, New Year, and Hanukkah Dinners Holiday dinners are highly orchestrated events. They requires the skills of a top chef and the timing of a miracle. “Why are we having turkey again? We had it for Thanksgiving.” Truth? Because Bob Cratchit got the last Christmas goose, and turkeys are on sale in the fall. I buy two. When…
Why I Lied–Your Card Really Isn’t “Lost in the Mail”
Go check your mail. You didn’t get a Christmas card from me. Again. I know–you sent me one like you do every year. Now that you know yours isn’t on the way, you probably regret being so nice all year. Truth is, I feel a little guilty. Years back, I perfected Defensive Card Mode. I’d keep a box of cards…
That’s a Wrap! Dealing with Wrapping and Christmas Greed
“Could you take Declan out so I can wrap some presents?” I sent the boys out to do I-don’t-care-whatever so I could start wrapping. I go to bed early. I haven’t been able to wrap with Declan poking his head out pretending to read, doing Rubik’s Cubes or making “emergency” Lego monsters to defend himself while he sleeps. Presents don’t wrap…
Food Freak Files: How to Say “Hands Off” Your Thanksgiving Food
Thanksgiving. The season of love, thankfulness, everyone posting the required message of love and appreciation for mankind on the way to Black Friday shopping. For food freaks, it’s the season of selfishness and self-preservation. “I have to bring my own food to Thanksgiving dinner,” said a vegetarian colleague. It’s true–meat eaters sabotage us. I’ve had people pick out…
Amazoning Your Christmas? Don’t Let Box Guilt Consume Your Life!
The boxes, oh, the boxes! My Christmas Amazoning has begun. Every year I make a bargain with my conscience. I’ll pack waste-free lunches, bring my own bags to stores, buy in bulk, reuse dental floss… all to reset the bad environmental karma I get when I wrap Christmas gifts. Wrapping Christmas presents is fun. Unwrapping them’s even better. There’s…
Recycled Food: How to Eat Cheap without Being a Dumpster-Diving Hippie
“What’s that?” the kid asked. She was examining my lunch–apple butter, homemade cheese, and bread I baked that morning wrapped Japanese furoshiki-style in a cloth napkin. “Bread,” I said. That was in the days when I still ate bread. “And that?” “Apple butter. I made it.” Kids stared. One picked up my jar, tapped, and sniffed. They’re part of…
Halloween Hell in Three Acts: No Costume, The Town That Shuts Down, & Liquor Treating
[Photo credit… the brilliant Sarah Steenland with whom I’ve collaborated on some great kids’ books with more to come. Watch her travel the world as The Cruising Cartoonist. Visit her Amazon Author page as well!] Halloween: Act One–No Costume for the Lame Halloween was yesterday. It’s one of the biggest “holidays” of the year according to the National Retail Federation….
Never Waste a Good Sick Day Being Sick
Fall is here. It’s beautiful in New England–the trees are starting to look like they grew out of a Norman Rockwell painting. We used to watch this guy on Public Television back in the days when there were only three channels. He’d paint “happy trees.” We called him “Happy Brush” even though I think his name was Bob. A few more lessons from…