Excerpt from a conversation with a friend:
You’re right–how much more we’ll do for anyone else but not ourselves. That is the essence of the truth.
Have you identified your demons? Really called them out by name? I know mine. I still have to fight them, but I know them by name, sight, trigger… like old friends. They come back and say hello–sometimes, like this time, disguised. Sometimes, like this time, they take me completely off guard and I look up from what I’m doing and see that they’ve made themselves at home in my living room, tossing some wrappers and dishes around, taking the best place on the couch, and in general just making themselves at home.
And I say to them, “Oh, hello. Welcome back. It’s been a while.”
“Yes, it has, we just thought we’d pop in.” They crack open a beer and throw the cap into the corner by the wood stove.
And we converse about how well things have been going, my new directions, the truths I’ve discovered about life–I show them how the boy has grown, and the new accomplishments in my life, and I ask them, “So, how long are you planning on staying this time?”
I’m trying to plan out for my guests–how much cleaning up I’ll have to do when they’ve gone. Will my house be mildly messy or completely destroyed? Or even burned completely to the ground. I have to know. I have to schedule it in.
And they shrug, open up another bag of chips, toss some wrappers on the floor, and settle down in my space on the couch.
Which is where they seem to be right now.